![]() ![]() One big flaw of On Stranger Tides is that Jack Sparrow was missing the Bones and Spock to his Kirk, the Ron and Hermione to his Harry, which he’d previously had in Orlando Bloom’s straight-arrow Will Turner and Keira Knightley’s proper-girl-eager-for-adventure Elizabeth Swan. Which is horrifically wrong and icky.īut lackluster action takes a backseat, problemwise, to lackluster characters. (Their biggest previous production is low-budget real-life historical adventure Kon-Tiki, which may take place on the ocean but is very grounded in unfantastical reality.) They closest they get is with a comedic guillotine sequence - that’s right, I said “comedic guillotine sequence” - that makes you wonder if Disney is hoping to turn that into a new theme-park attraction. They don’t seem to know how to connect their characters to the CGI, or even to grand escapades driven by practical FX, as the heist sequence would mostly seem to be. Directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg aren’t only new to the Pirates series, they’re new to big-budget FX extravaganzas, and it shows. It’s loud and kinetic and crashy, but it has no pizzazz whatsoever. One early sequence involves a bank robbery by Jack Sparrow and his crew that goes very badly wrong, and it should be absolutely hilarious in that same way that, say, the A-Team movie made you believe that a tank could fly. A lot of the action we witness here isn’t like anything we’ve seen before… and almost none of it actually entertains, like a joke with a great setup and an unfunny punchline. This is especially mysterious because POTC 5 avoids one of the signature problems of blockbusters of recent vintage, in that so few of them seem very interested in crafting something new for our eyes to behold when it comes to tossing people and vehicles and buildings around in ways that are meant to be exciting. ![]()
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